The Secret Dance
by ooza
Summary: I danced with two people on my wedding day: the one I married and the one I wished I had married instead. Written for the Twilight PostSecret Challenge in 2011 but never submitted.


This one-shot was originally written for the Twilight PostSecret Challenge back in 2011, but I didn't finish it in time. I recently stumbled across it while organizing some old files. I contemplated whether to post it. It's not a happy story, and if I were to write it now I would have done it so much differently. But it seemed a shame to delete it. Besides, **allthingsHHH** made me do it (plz2be directing all complaints her way).

Good news though, if you're sick of all the mushy Valentine's crap, this angsty one-shot's for you! The photo prompt can be viewed here: **bit. ly/1zSc2OT**

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Everything was perfect: the flowers, the decorations, the dress. Alice hadn't overlooked a single detail.

I spent the better half of the past hour greeting guests. The wedding had a large turnout, and an overwhelming amount of humans were in attendance. Most had never even seen the Cullen house, let alone been in it. Their conversations revolved around safe topics:

"Bella looked so beautiful coming down the stairs on Charlie's arm."

"What a gorgeous dress!"

"This house is absolutely perfect for a wedding."

It was their thoughts I took care to avoid.

I didn't need to read minds to know my presence was making the guests uncomfortable. Most people acknowledged me with a nod or avoided me altogether. When someone did make an attempt to start a conversation, I managed to fool them into thinking they had my full attention; however, my focus was always on the bride.

Bella had grown more and more anxious as the evening wore on. Being the center of attention had never been something she enjoyed. Nearly 30 minutes had passed since she first disappeared inside—presumably for "a human moment." I excused myself from pretending to have a riveting conversation with Mike Newton and slipped through the crowd. I needed to make sure she was all right.

I knew Bella's father was following me before he announced himself.

"Edward."

I turned and gave my best smile. "Chief Swan."

The chief returned my smile and clapped me on the shoulder. I still made him uneasy, but he did his best to push aside the fear he couldn't explain.

"Come on, Edward. We're past the formalities."

Charlie's thoughts about Bella were on the forefront of his mind. He was happy for her, of course, but he was also sad to be losing her so soon and worried that she was making a mistake getting married so young. Visions of his and Renee's wedding flashed in his mind, along with the subsequent pain of her leaving.

His human emotions had nothing on mine.

Even though he didn't want to talk about it, he was waiting for me to acknowledge something, _anything_, about tonight.

"Bella looks beautiful."

"She does." Charlie nodded. My comment was exactly what he was looking for. "Lucky man."

"Yes," I agreed. "A lifetime with her wouldn't be long enough."

Charlie frowned as he struggled to decipher my cryptic comment. "She's too young to get married. I don't know what the rush is, but she seems happy. I hope it works out. She's a good kid. She deserves to get everything she's ever wanted."

"She will," I promised. I would make sure of it.

"It was sure nice of your parents to volunteer to have the wedding here. I was surprised at first, but Bella assured me it was okay."

"My family . . ." I considered my words carefully. "We would do anything for Bella. If she ever needs anything, we'll be there for her."

A suspicion that Bella was pregnant crossed Charlie's mind. Pain burned through my chest. It was one more thing I could never give her.

"Please excuse me, Charlie. Bella went inside a while ago. I want to make sure she's all right."

Charlie didn't protest, and I continued my mission to find the bride. It didn't take long. She was in my room, sitting on the bed I had ordered just for her and hugging a pillow to her chest. The white wedding dress was a bright contrast to the sea of gold bedding.

"There you are," I said.

She inhaled sharply and her heartbeat spiked. For a couple of seconds she didn't breath. Then she sighed loudly. "You have to quit being so sneaky." She tossed the pillow aside. "But I'm glad you're here."

I crossed the room and sat beside her on the bed.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?"

Bella smiled softly. "Yes. More than once."

"Well, I'm going to tell you again. Bella, you are the most beautiful bride I have ever laid eyes on."

Bella's cheeks turned pink, the way they always did when I complimented her. The scent of her blood became more concentrated; I could taste it on my tongue and in the back of my throat. It burned, but I had become rather skilled at ignoring my instincts. Slowly I reached out and brushed my fingers across her cheek.

"I'm going to miss this about you," I told her.

Bella bit her lip and looked down. "I don't want to talk about that tonight."

"I'm sorry. You're right. Forget I said anything," I said. She looked up at me and smiled. It wasn't the first time I thought her smile might reanimate my long dormant heart. I stood and offered my hand. "Dance with me?"

"Edward . . ."

"Humor me, please. I know you don't like it, but I'd like to dance with you at least once tonight without the prying eyes and thoughts of the entire population of Forks." I gave her my most convincing pout. Bella took my hand and stood from the bed.

"Okay, but just one. We should probably get back to the reception before people start spreading rumors."

Her words made me chuckle. She was right though; a long disappearance would look suspicious. Little did everyone know just how far from the truth their assumptions would be. "Just one," I agreed.

Bella fell into my arms. She fit perfectly, as though she belonged there for the rest of eternity.

"I'll always love you, Bella."

"Me, too." She tucked her head under my chin, and I held her tightly. We didn't need music. I led, timing our easy sways to the steady pace of her heart. "Do you remember when we danced at prom?"

"Of course I do. I remember every moment I've spent with you. Your dancing skills haven't improved much," I teased. She slapped my arm, then winced and shook out her hand. I took it in mine and placed a kiss on her knuckles. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just thinking about it," Bella said with a shrug. "It was the only other time I've been dressed up." She sighed before adding, "I've never felt more beautiful than I did that night."

I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look me in the eye. "Are you happy, love? Is this the future you really want?"

Bella put on a brave face and nodded. "This is what I want."

Something in my gut told me she was lying, but without being able to read her mind, I had no way to know for sure. It didn't matter if she were. I had always told her she could have whatever she wanted. I wasn't about to retract it now.

Regardless, she didn't seem very happy for what was supposed to be the best day of her life.

Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

A tear slipped down her cheek. I gently kissed it away, being extra careful of the makeup my sister spent hours applying.

"This is just all happening so fast." A sob broke through her voice. "I don't feel like me anymore."

"You'll always be my Bella." I placed a kiss on her forehead. She wound her fingers through my hair and pulled me down to her lips. "Bella," I warned when she pressed her mouth against mine.

"Please, Edward."

"I can't." Even as I said the words, I accepted her kiss. My opportunities to feel her like this were numbered, and I refused to waste any chance she was willing to give me.

One of her hands dropped to the front of my pants. I tried to step back, but she refused to let go of my neck.

"Not here." No matter how hard I willed it not to, my body responded to her advances anyway. "Not now."

"No one will know," she assured me. "Everyone's outside."

"Yes, wondering where the bride is."

"Edward, please." Bella brought her hands to my face and looked me in the eye. "If we don't now, then tonight . . ." She shook her head as a tear ran down her face. "We have to do this now."

I wanted her. God, more than anything, I wanted her. But I was worried about Bella's safety. She was a human. Fragile. I could lose control and hurt her without even knowing.

Yet I also knew what was planned for tonight. It was my only opportunity to have her this way.

I began to unzip her dress. "Are you sure? We can't undo this."

"I'm sure." Bella stepped out of her dress with a confidence I didn't expect and pulled me toward the bed. I had never seen her at this level of undress. I wanted to throw her down and sink my teeth into her.

Literally.

"This isn't very romantic." It wasn't my intention to talk her out of it, but I couldn't read her mind. I needed to know she was certain about this.

"It doesn't matter. I'm with you."

"What if I hurt you?"

"You won't."

I didn't believe her, but her hands were on my pants again, unfastening and unzipping. I knew it was wrong, but she wanted me. I'd promised her anything. How could I say no?

I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing as she touched me. When she wrapped her hand around my length, it was too much. I pushed her onto the bed, coming to a stop between her legs, my teeth bared and my breaths ragged. I shook my head as I composed myself.

There wasn't an ounce of fear in Bella's eyes. I didn't think it was possible for my heart to die even more, but it did. I didn't deserve her, but here I was, taking what never should have been mine.

With shaking hands, she unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it from my shoulders. Her hands were so hot against my skin that it burned—a combination of euphoria and torture. My mouth filled with venom.

"Bella, I can't."

She took my face in her hands. "I need you, Edward."

My train of thought was lost. I wasn't prepared.

Bella would pay the price.

"It's going to hurt."

"I'll be okay."

"Not if I lose control."

"I don't care, Edward. I need you."

It was wrong. It went against everything I believed in. But it was Bella. Everything felt right when it came to her. In one swift motion I tore the lacy fabric from her hips and positioned myself on top of her. I tried to take it slowly, but my grip on the here and now was slipping.

In my mind I'd only nudged forward, but her softness engulfed me fully. Bella stiffened. I heard her cry of pain, muffled and too far away. Blinded by the heat and tightness of her body, I could barely make out her face, but the pain was clear in her features. Her teeth were clenched, her eyes squeezed closed. The scent of her tears infiltrated my senses.

Still, I couldn't stop.

I apologized over and over in my mind, but the words wouldn't come. Bella dug her fingers into my hair. I wished it hurt. I deserved a thousand times the pain I'd caused her.

With a final thrust, I came, barely keeping from breaking her body in the process. The sounds of her ragged breaths and the party outside flooded my mind. My vision sharpened, and I focused on my love's flushed face. The pain I saw there broke what was left of my heart.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. If it were possible, I'd be crying too.

I skimmed my hands over her body, looking for broken bones, broken skin. The only marks I found were the faint bruises on her hips.

"I'm okay," Bella said when I opened my mouth to apologize. She offered me a smile. I wrapped her in my arms and held her as tightly as I dared. "I love you."

"I love you."

"I'm glad you were my first."

I dropped my forehead to her shoulder, listening to the steady beat of her heart and thanking whatever god would listen for giving us this moment.

_Edward!_ Alice's panicked thoughts pulled me out of my bliss. _He's coming._

I leaped from the bed, donning my own clothes before helping a confused Bella back into her wedding gown. I'd barely finished zipping it when the door flew open.

Jacob appeared in the doorway. Being in our house made him uncomfortable, but he was concerned about Bella. He wasn't happy to see us alone together.

"Jake!" Bella swung around and straightened her dress. I didn't like the way she smiled at him, even though I knew it was fake.

I would never like it.

"Am I interrupting something?" His voice was surprisingly calm compared to his thoughts.

"No." Bella had never been good at lying. Tonight was no exception.

"Alice sent me to find you. It's time for the bouquet toss."

"The bouquet toss isn't for another fifteen minutes," I snapped.

Jacob squared his shoulders and stood as tall as possible.

"I'd like to get a dance or two in before the night is over. Unless you're going to continue monopolizing her?"

I looked away as Jacob mentally flung every insult he could think of at me. I watched in his mind as he took Bella's hand and lead her out of my room, down the stairs, and back to their wedding reception.

**The End**

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Happy Valentine's Day? I hope you enjoyed it. It's short and quick and there ins't any background to the story. But like I said, I wrote it 4 years ago and didn't want to not post it.

Reviews are like crack; please leave one. Unless you didn't like it, in which case direct all complaints to **allthingsHHH** on Twitter. You can also follow me on Twitter: **o_oza**

Also, I'd like to profess my love for **wime09**. Even though she'll probably never read this. Because she doesn't like me as a person.

Until next time...


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